The Happy Soul.

Letter to my future husband.

Dear !,
Im not a typical girl who watch fairy tales, who's fond of beauty and fall behind all emotions. I'm a strong n independent who has passion for life and even have certain dreams and of course abnormal at times.
I know the value of things n people. I know what love exactly is, I can understand you, make you feel comfortable n support you at any point of time. yes I dont know where you are, who you are and how you are but I wish I ll find you soon.
I'm a soft hearted girl, handle me with care, but be honest. I could understand anything(ANYTHING).
I'm sure about my emotions and feelings and I'm not an emotional fool. I'm a honest and a loyal girl.
If I say I mean something, I definitely mean it. My every act will have an emotion n reason behind it, try to know me.

I wish I ll be showing to you my true self , I wish I can communicate with you in silence, I wish I feel you as my soul mate, I wish I do not hide my madness, crazyness, humbleness and my urge of meeting my love n life partner.

I wish I do not adjust but feel comfort in presence of you.
I wish I love you not because you are my husband but because I found my love in you.I wish I passionately love you, no egos, no attitudes, no blames, no adjustments and finally as my love.

I dont know I could find you before marriage or magic happens during the marriage. 

I have had bad experiences with ppl, I had relationships before but those didn't work out because I couldn't find myself alive being in them. I used to hid myself sometimes, I do not want that. At times I felt that, this might be the love but couldn't able to agree to it at the end of the day. I felt good about the pamper they have shown on, the care they did to me but I felt there is something more which I need than these things. I need someone with whom I feel the urge to show my naked soul than body. With whom I could show all my dark n lighter sides. Who doesn't make me feel down about myself. Who shows passion in loving me. 

I don't want to see you and my future as 2 different things.

I don't want you to adjust with me, bare with me or love me because there is some reason behind it. 

I want to see the passion in your eyes. I want you to make me feel beautiful for you. I seem like an open book, but no I'm not. I hide alot. Try knowing me.

I ll not only be the one on whom you can lean on for support, with whom you can share the weirdest things, who can lend you a shoulder to cry on. But looking into the eyes I can make you forgot the world and can give you hope when you are broke. I ll be the one for whom you can turn for anything when you are low.

I may not be eagerly waiting but Yes lovingly hopeful to get excited. 

Because I believe in love and I believe I deserve it.

P.S: I love you, No matter what.

Your love.

The beautiful soul in existence.

My travel diaries

In the state of idealness, not to give powers to my senses, ending up myself in confusion.

Tour to New Delhi ended up myself knowing that Delhi is just another place with no one caring for the other, just everyone minding their own business, n you have to give more attention to your security than doing your work.

Camp in Vijayawada, a city with less pollution as I have found, with more trees n hills. Yogoda satsanga society people, they believe in Yogananda, treat him as a god, what the followers say that is true for them if the followers cry they cry if he laughs they ll laugh though what he is saying is true but that's not the way how they should be preached. Followers should motivate them(people) to think for themselves. Yogananda was true when saying about the self.
As to my thinking, this kind might be the way how Christianity has become a wider belief without knowing its grounds by most of the people who say that they are following Christianity.
Here its a positive note for me to know about those great people whom I resist to know before just because of their false image by their followers.

Visits to court in Suryapet, lawyers are just like stones which we can dip in dirt or holy water, still, it 'll be like stones without any effect on it after washing. They are the actors in our movie of life, after completion of their role they ll find another role.
Is this the fault of the society or the individual to roam uselessly by becoming slaves to the temporary enjoyments?
An individual can change if he has a strong mind, but can have more influence from the society that's is playing a major role in everyday life.

More dead than alive

So, it's better to be silent n accept it n give up on small things for the sake of things. You better distance yourself for some days n let your result speak for you, the reply should be such that no one is your own, accept n agree everyone n does your stuff.

Dad, I feel like hating you sometimes.
But maybe you become old,
Maybe you are tired,
Maybe you have done so much for us that you want ur kids to listen to whatever you say,
Maybe you don't want what's right n what's wrong at this time, you just want to sit back happily n relax,
Maybe you are in a position to not to take responsibility anymore,

Maybe I'm right.
I just need some time to digest these facts n make you happy.

No, it's not at all wrong to expect from us, think of taking rest in ur 60's n live a happy n enjoying life.

But, I'm wrong that I expect you as before, that we fight to decide what's right n what's wrong and we came to a conclusion on things n ppl and we have discussed how n what to do though we may not follow it, you have expected so much from me and I couldn't able to do all those things as I'm not a perfect being to live up to your expectations but dad I ll definitely make you proud one day.

You are, What you choose to become!

You are, What you choose to become !!

 

Once upon a time, there was this girl who was born in the '90s in a middle-class family with considerably high values regarding religion, culture n society grown-up in the middle of immense love from their parents, with considerably good studies in primary school, she got into Gurukul, although she was unable to live away from parents, she wanted to be in that. She managed well though she cried many times. She is sensitive(though she acts like strong), intelligent, kind-hearted and Lil arrogant too, people get afraid of her because of her strong looks n truth worshiping nature. She somehow successfully completed her schooling by having considerably good friends.
Coming to Intermediate, she has joined in a reputed college away from home again in a hostel as usual with having horrible food n a tough schedule of college, somehow managed to get over from the first year.
Second-year of college, now a day-scholar, her mom n brother were there with her, she is a teenager living in a city came from a village, like every other teenage girl's mentality she used to look at boys, etc.. but not so serious things.
Her mother was so afraid that she is a girl n first time in the city, looking at things happening around, she thought of asking her but as she was arrogant n she hates it when someone doubts her if she didn't do anything. 
And one day there was this incident, where her JL dint noticed her attendance n called to her mom asking where is ur girl she dint come to college, her mom felt Lil heart-attack n was crying until the girl called her n said the JL was wrong she is in college. What her mom thought was that she might have eloped with someone n she was too angry on that day, she cried, scolded her mom, etc.. but that didn't satisfy her mom, for the first time she calmed down n thought of making her mom believe that she is not that kind Of girl.
She managed n promised her mom that she won't do such things. Her mom felt happy.

Her brother was a B-tech 2nd-year student then, he used to read some motivational books taking them from his friends, even bought some.
She once had encountered a book called "Channeling youth power" she found that as interesting n started to read n completed it.
Though she liked n agreed with the book, her brother n her ego stopped her agreeing that she is the wrong n she should change her self. She secretly used to study the book pretending that she doesn't know what that book is when her brother was watching.
Things went on n she used to get angry easily on things n people if they don't agree with her, she was getting more interest study such kind of books n started to read all books which her brother brought pretending that she is not agreeing with him, she is just reading this books. He used to tease her, preach her some don't s whenever she cries n arrogant.
She was kept on thinking about things said in the books, that's when her life has taken a turn, that was at the end of the second year, done with her exams. Overcoming her Ego she bought a book called "Overcoming anger" n started reading it this time not secretly, her brother gave a smile looking at her.
In the time(5 months) between her Intermediate n B-tech, she became a follower of Swami Vivekananda knowing that who was the man behind such thoughts which made her think again about herself. She used to think rather than studying a lot of books, she read n think about things that said in the books n was literally in search of truth behind life n of course who is actually Vivekananda is ? is he right in all aspects ?. she is not an anti-social, n she doesn't want to become an anti-social by merely following what has been said in books, she used to co-relate things from outside n inside.
She just thought of giving a try to the things that have been said in books though she does not believe them completely, she thought of testing them.
she tried practicing them in real life...

That's how She started the journey of Questioning, learning, and experimenting. 

Know d world n U are inside it, Know yourself n d world is inside you.

Live life of your own,
leave everyone aside whom you have to impress, social networking, communication just a part of your life to relax you or to get information don't let them rule your life.

Just be away from people's opinions n judgments, fear not for anything if you are not doing any wrong, be not in ignorance but be conscious.

Just do your work, read books, read articles, know the world around you, be free do not put limits ignorantly.