Trip to Pondy

7/28/16

In order to love who you are, You can't hate the experiences that shaped you.

I don't regret but I did learn and later realized that it wasn't enough but I freed myself to some extent. 

I'm never the same person again. It introduced me to look at new perspectives of life which i have been resisting to look at. It gave me a sense of freedom

I looked at this water for an hour sitting on the rock. I remember it was sunny around 4pm.

I roamed and walked alone on the streets and to the auroville and I was not tired

An unplanned or sudden trip which gave me relief. I have been trying to escape from things that I was surrounded with. I was longing for something that I could not even know, May be for a person who can understand me, listen me and accepts me. I wanted to talk to people like serious talk not all these flowery things, I wanted to express my inner self, but I couldn't find someone with whom I can share things with. Someone who just listens my mind.  I'm tired of people who do not interest in me because of my looks, looks aren't my thing and I can't even maintain them with all external ingredients, I like to be noticed for my heart and brain. I'm sick of all these people, my urge to talk to someone who could understand my inner self, my ideas, my thoughts, my intentions, my dreams is increasing. I need to relieve this, I tried to search online to talk to people, I came across 7cups of tea. I was a member before, I used to help some people to get over their stress levels by talking with them in this site. This time I'm the one in need, as I don't know how to express what I want, I again became a listener instead of a seeker. I talked to few people, as making people happy or getting them out of their troubles makes me happy, I was happy but I still couldn't overcome my stress.

I came across a seeker who instead of asking me for help said he just want a casual talk, I agreed, then he tried to know me, I felt good, I shared few of the things that I was waiting to share with people, It was good. We were talking many things, he shared many things, for me I felt relieved a bit so I continued listening and talking to him, became good friends. exchanged numbers, I was sure I didn't expect anything more than a friend, he tried to flirt me, I know I'm not interested any such kind but could not avoid talking because It was nice talking to him. He lives in Pondicchery. May be It was stupid of me but I was not in a position to think of it, I said I wanted to visit him. He felt super happy, but for me, may be I just need someone who could share my situation with at the point. I need to get out of my so called circled world and get free. He was excited and expected many things, I couldn't think of anything other than just flying from my surroundings at the point. As ppl say a Journey will never leave you as the same person before, that was the  kind of journey for me, alone, didn't bother about informing anyone. I wanted to go far, boarded the bus, though I wanted to tell him that I don't look beautiful as he might be expecting, I didn't tell, may be because of the fear that he might stop me coming, may be that was selfish but again I was not in a position to think of all. I was happy, slightly because I'm meeting him, hugely because I'm going far out my so called zone. I did think that he may not like me, but the thought didn't bother me because I was not expecting any relation with him. 

The Journey gave me relaxation, relief but still encountering people who again not choosing me because I'm not beautiful was making me disappointed. But Again that didn't bother me much, as I'm getting free from my zone. I was happy on the journey which was filled with total lies to people who asks where am I going alone?, but I didn't hesitate to lie, as I don't want create a issue.

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